From Stuck to Flexible: Using ACT to Change Your Relationship with Yourself
One of the most recurring phrases I hear as a mental health therapist is, “I just feel stuck.” People feel stuck in their jobs or stuck financially. We feel stuck in relationships. We are stuck in the past. We are stuck in an endless loop of anxiety or depression. We may even feel stuck in this point of our life in general.
Whatever it is that we feel “stuck” in, it can feel even more overwhelming to pull ourselves out without some sort of support. Either from a therapist, a friend, a spouse, or someone else in our lives. Self-help books, podcasts, and workbooks can offer guidance, but they often fall short of providing the mental shift necessary to truly get unstuck.
When we actually want to see change happen in our lives, we have to expand our awareness of the situation we are in. We often justify staying stuck by fusing with the reasons and stories of how we ended up there. But when we are able to separate ourselves from our feelings, we flip the script on the entire narrative.
3 Senses of Self
Let me introduce you to this amazing therapy concept called “Self As Context” from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Within this approach, it allows you to have awareness for 3 senses of yourself. It opens you up to the possibility of getting unstuck in whatever situation you are faced with.
The Conceptualized Self (The Story): This is where we start out typically. In this stage we are viewing ourselves as the object of summary. We are basing our current stuckness in life as a theme of our entire life experiences. This view of self can be the most dangerous because it fits into a story that provides reasons for your actions, thus leading to psychological inflexibility. The essence of this self says, “I am an anxious person.”
The Self as an Ongoing Process of Self-Awareness (The Noticer): In this medium, we are noticing the fluidity of our actions and beginning to expand our emotional awareness. This involves gaining continuous knowledge of our own experience in the present moment. We may sit in this stage for months or year, just learning more about ourselves and navigating changes as they arise. This begins to shift the perspective of our self into saying, “Now I’m thinking I may struggle with stress because I have difficulty shutting off my mind at night.”
The Self-as-Context (The Observer): This is ultimately what we are working towards with our healing journey; how we get “unstuck.” This is labeled as your observing self which opens us up to witnessing our thoughts, feelings, and actions at any moment. We are basing those thoughts on lived experiences, while maintaining a flexible view of ourselves. The core of viewing our self-as-context is saying, “I may be more anxious today because of an upcoming work meeting. I need to focus on feeling more calm and in control then.”
When we start expanding our awareness and showing ourselves compassion along the way, we are on the path to changing behaviors that led us to feeling stuck in the first place. It can be challenging to start over, build a new habit, or cut out unhealthy patterns when it feels like we’re stuck in an endless cycle.
Working with a therapist helps give you additional insight and perspectives to your current “stuck” situation that you may have not considered before. We will work on building skills and an inventory of tools to navigate upcoming changes that are necessary in allowing you to feel fulfilled in life.
With the ACT approach in therapy, the goal is to build a rich and meaningful life. This involves taking committed action that supports the life you are trying to create for yourself. It’s separating your thoughts from your behaviors.
Most importantly, it means we have a flexible view of ourselves so that when we are faced with stressful situations in life we are able to move through it with acceptance.
Reach out today if interested in getting unstuck from your current situation. Let’s work together to build–and sustain–a life that you enjoy daily.
