How to Maintain Consistency in a Modern World
I had an epiphany the other day: why is it so hard to be consistent in the modern world? This is one of the most recurring topics I see with my therapy clients, and honestly, a frequent point of my own personal reflection.
Despite the endless apps, habit trackers, and self-help books, many of us feel like we’re on a "never-ending struggle bus." You might have seen temporary success with a podcast tip or a motivational speaker, only to find yourself back at square one, asking: Why can’t I just stick with it?
Debunking the 21-Day Myth
There’s a popular myth that it takes just 21 days to build or break a habit. If it truly happened that fast, the human brain wouldn’t be the complex, resilient organ that it is.
Building a habit means creating a new neural pathway. That doesn’t happen in three short weeks. Rewiring your brain requires repeating a behavior consistently over time.
Put simply: New behavior, new pathway.
Your Brain on Dopamine
This ability to change is called neuroplasticity. It’s the brain's "muscle memory" for patterns of thinking and behaving.
When we try something new—whether it’s a morning run or a fast-food meal—our brain’s reward center is flooded with dopamine. This chemical signal tells our body to remember this feeling and seek it out again. This is why "bad" habits feel so hard to break; they offer a massive, easy dopamine hit that the brain prioritizes, even if it isn’t healthy for us.
The Path of Least Resistance: A Scenario
Imagine you’re coming home after a draining day at work. You’re stressed and tired.
The Old Pathway: You pick up fast food and spend the evening scrolling on your phone or watching a mindless show. Because you’ve done this many times before, that neural pathway is formed already. It’s the easiest option. You tell yourself, "I deserve this," and your brain gets its dopamine reward.
The New Pathway: Instead, you decide to make a simple pasta dinner and call a friend for ten minutes of meaningful connection. This is a new, faint trail being blazed in your brain.
When you choose the second option several times a week, that "trail" becomes a paved road. Eventually, the fast food and "rotting" on the couch actually provide less dopamine because they no longer align with your mental health needs.
From Intention to Lifestyle
Building a habit starts with intention, but it survives on values. If you value physical health or quality time, the "fast food and TV" loop creates a disconnect. You won’t feel fulfilled or motivated if your actions don't reflect your driving force.
Intention: I want to feel less stressed.
Action: I will cook at home tonight.
Value: I care about my body’s longevity.
When we repeat an action daily, it stops being a "task" and starts being a lifestyle. We often stay stuck because we have built a lifestyle around coping with stress in the easiest (but least fulfilling) ways possible.
When we know what our intentions are, then we start taking committed action daily that aligns with those goals. Our committed action is a direct reflection of our values system. We will not feel fulfilled, motivated, or stay consistent if we are not aware of our driving force in what we are trying to build on.
Habits follow the actions we take. When we repeatedly eat fast food most days out of the week, that becomes a habit as opposed to a rewarding treat for ourselves. This is what builds our lifestyle. This is where we feel stuck in breaking these patterns for ourselves.
We become so entrenched in making our lives feel less stressful, doing what feels easiest, coping in ways that feel good. That we build a lifestyle that meets those needs.
Shifting the Narrative
Social media has shortened our attention spans and filled our heads with "highlight reels," making us feel like we’re failing if we don't have six-pack abs by Tuesday. We then may fall into the pattern of shaming ourselves through negative self-talk, or saying “I’ll do better tomorrow.” But remember that scenario I laid out earlier. You can change the trajectory of that stressful work day that same day.
As an addictions therapist, I know it isn’t as easy as "just stopping" a behavior. Your brain has deep-seated pathways. But it is as simple as choosing to stop one thing that no longer serves you and replacing it with one thing that has purpose. Being consistent with something new is challenging.
This month, try this: Instead of adding five new "healthy" habits, focus on cutting out one harmful action. If you want to focus on your physical health, try being more mindful of how much sugary foods you’re eating this week and cut back where you can. Or if you want to prioritize your relationship this week, find one way to be more present with your partner versus scrolling on your phones while sitting on the couch.
When we minimize the negative self-talk and we sit in places of discomfort, we start to see real change. We are forming healthy neural pathways that are growing stronger than what feels "easiest" for us. Our brain never forgets that flood of dopamine we receive from engaging in something “unhealthy,” but our brains are flexible and able to form new pathways simply by engaging in something different.
One of my favorite quotes that I heard from a motivational speaker years ago because I too struggle with motivation and maintaining consistency, was by Eric Thomas, PhD. He said “A setback is a setup for a comeback.” I remind myself of this statement often because it is easy to fall back into old ways. The true strength comes from changing our response to those setbacks we face.
Take the First Step
One healthy behavior allows you to choose another, then another, until it simply becomes who you are. Choose how you want to move through the rest of this week. It could be the start of changing your life.
Ready to start your healing journey? Reach out today for a free consultation and let's turn your intentions into results.
